Stop This Huge Dating Mistake Immediately

I'm getting really mad. 


I see a lot of people out there complaining about all the bad options on the dating apps. There are entire Instagram accounts dedicated to posting how ridiculous men are and how badly they are behaving. (News flash: they wouldn’t be behaving that way if it didn’t work for them.)


It makes me so mad to watch these people spending all this energy on people that they’ve identified are not a good fit for them. It’s the equivalent of looking at a restaurant’s menu and focusing only on peanut butter when you have a peanut allergy. You wouldn’t run around that restaurant saying, “Don’t you dare bring me peanut butter! I don’t want that peanut butter!!”


No. If you were hungry, you would scan the menu for things that you can eat. Or you would go somewhere else that can accommodate you.


Dating is exactly the same. Why would you spend all that energy on the people that you know are wrong for you?  


Most people can tell you exactly what they don’t want.


I don’t want any cheaters or liars.

I don’t want to date an alcoholic.

I don’t want any drama.



We all have these lists, and they are actually a useful place to start. But you don't want to get stuck there. Here's why.



When you are focused on the things you don’t want you are arguing to keep your limitations. The way that focus works is that your brain will look for other things just like what you’re focused on. 


So if you’re writing in your dating profile “No cheaters” your brain is going to be scanning for cheaters. All you will see is cheaters! And you’re going to get really frustrated because it will seem like all of your options are exactly what you don’t want. 


Your focus on your limitations is holding you back. A limitation by definition is a restriction. You’re feeling frustrated because you’re restricted in your options, and therefore you feel like dating is so much harder. 


Stop putting all the energy and focus on what you don’t want. You are holding so tightly to your “don’t wants” that there is no space for anything else. 


Identifying what you don’t want is the first level of clarifying what it is that you do want. We want to move on from this level as quickly as possible. But very few people can tell you what they do want. If I were to ask you "what do you want," can you answer that question?


Let me help you get started. You can start by flipping the list of what you don’t want to the opposite. “I don’t want an alcoholic” could become “I want someone mentally and physically healthy.” Try it for yourself. Look over the list and see if you agree. See if it sparks some other ideas. 


What else do you want? When was the last time you gave yourself permission to ask yourself that question and take the time to answer it?


That’s your homework today. Right now. Take a time out from work and take 10 minutes to answer the question “What do I want?” Paint the picture as vividly as you possibly can. 


And then share it. Comment below and tell me your vision of what you want. Tell your best friend or your mom. Tell someone that will help you hold that vision and will cheer you on. By saying it out loud, it starts to feel real and helps you move closer to getting it. 


I'm here for you, and I'm cheering you on. I want you to have everything you want! If you want someone in your corner to help you get there, let's talk. Claim your a free discovery coaching session.

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

What To Say To The Voice That Says "You Should Be Further Along"

I am in my mid-thirties, and most of my friends are married (many also have kids). I have attended and been in more weddings than I care to count. And I have friends going through divorces before I’ve even had an engagement.


Most of the time I’m ok with this. I’m happy for my friends’ happiness and partnership. I’m inspired by them. But sometimes I beat myself up because it seems like they are so much farther down the path of life, and I’m left behind. I feel bad for not having my life all figured out. 


The persistent angry voice in my head is screaming, “What’s wrong with you?! Why aren’t you married yet?” 


Maybe you can relate. Maybe the voice in your head isn’t quite so angry, maybe it’s more despondent about being alone and lonely forever and you’re just a loser so accept and settle for this solo life. 


Whatever that voice in your head is telling you, I have the perfect retort. It surprised my inner critic into a moment of silence. 


“Calm the F’ down. Please and thank you.” 


I don’t curse all that much, so it was a bit of a surprise. The harshness worked in my favor. 


Here’s what’s really going on when that voice is getting really angry and pushy:


That voice is freaking out because it is worried about you and your survival. It’s worried that because your life doesn't look like everyone else’s, and to our inner caveman/woman being different = death. 


But it is only focusing on one small part of the world’s population. There are lots of people that do not have partners. Let’s use that logic to quiet the pushy, angry voice. 


Let your brain see new evidence. You are NOT alone. In fact, you are so far from being alone you might as well be in the middle of Grand Central Station surrounded by people just like you but you’re not even seeing them. Start looking for the evidence.


Here’s what to do: Challenge that inner voice to think of one person you know who is not in a couple. Think of one. (I’ll give you a hint- I’m not in a couple! Feel free to start with me.)


Once you think of one person that’s single, think of another one. Maybe Google badass single celebrities if you need some ideas. Give your inner voice lots of examples of other people that are living their life without being in a couple. 


Once you’ve collected evidence that you’re not alone, that voice quiets down a bit. It might say, “oh, I didn’t know that Mindy Kaling was still single. Damn, she’s awesome. And she’s a mom. OK, I see you, Mindy” 


Your brain can easily get stuck in compare and despair mode. When you are comparing your life to others and getting sad that it looks different, it brings down your entire day. And it takes you off track from getting what you really want. Instead of getting stuck there, take the offensive position. Take charge by telling the voice to Calm the F’ Down and take the back seat so you can drive this ship. 


You don’t have to listen to every little voice in your head. You’re the boss of you. You decide the direction that your life will take. 


So who would you rather listen to? The one telling you that you’re doing everything wrong? Or the badass that says, “This is how we’re going to live our life. No one else gets to decide what makes me happy. We’re going to make decisions. We know what we want, and we are going for it.”

I see that little bit of badass peeking through. ;) Let it out! You got this.

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Five Tips to Meet Someone Special This Holiday Weekend

I don’t know about you, but my holiday weekend calendar is FULL of invites to parties, backyard barbecues and gatherings. And what better time to meet someone new?! 

I struggle with this sometimes because I’m an introvert and talking to new people causes some anxiety for me. But I’ve learned some great tips to get out there and get social. And if you need to be centered before you jump into socializing, get my free self love meditation right here.

Here are my five best tips to increase the likelihood of you meeting someone new. 

1. Say yes to invites. 

You will never meet someone at a party if you don’t attend. 

I struggle with this myself sometimes because I am quite an introvert and often prefer being at home instead of being out with a bunch of strangers. 

But nothing happens at home. No one is magically appearing on the couch next to me or randomly knocking on my door. If you want to meet someone, you have to go where people are. 

If you’re like me and find that the hardest part is just getting out of the house, set yourself a small goal and a time limit. Say you will attend the party for just an hour and you are allowed leave after that. Often I find if I give myself permission to leave, I feel free to stay longer and enjoy myself. And if it’s not enjoyable, I just go.

2. Take the pressure off.

Something I keep hearing over and over is that people expect to know if a person is right for them in the first conversation. Let me clear this up: It is impossible to know that. There is very little certainty after one conversation.

So if you do meet someone and you start talking, slow down. Take the focus off of “is this the one?” or “does this person like me?” Maybe turn that focus back to yourself. Better questions to ask are “Do I like how I feel when I’m around this person?” and “Am I curious to know more?” 

Not everyone you meet is a potential partner. Why not enjoy the interaction for simply what it is- meeting someone new. There are lots of joys in meeting someone new. You get to see new perspectives and hear about someone else’s life and experiences. Enjoy the person for who they are. 

3. Be curious.

When we show someone that we like who they are, that person is more likely to like you in return. That is actual brain science, and how cool is that! 

When you meet someone new, make it your job to be curious about who they are and discover ways that you can like this person. What are all the things you could like about him or her? What makes them unique? What makes their eyes light up? This keeps conversation interesting and exciting because you have a goal (find what you like about them) and the other person gets to talk about what they are most interested in. 

If you’re worried that you will never get to talk about yourself, don’t fret! I find that conversation with fun and interesting people tends to feel like a ping pong. One person offers something, and then the other person offers something. It flows with a bit of a zip. It’s ok if it’s not there (not everyone is going to be a fit for you, remember?) It’s all just investigation and collecting information. 

4. Have something to say.

It is easier to have conversation if you have something interesting to contribute. I like to have a few things in mind that seem to be great conversation starters, and most people have something to say on these topics. Let me share with you my arsenal of conversation starters. 

  • “What passion project do you have in your life right now?”

  • “What’s something you’re excited about?”

  • “Have you read any good books lately/seen any good movies or tv?”

  • “Any travel plans coming up?”

  • “What’s good in your life right now?”

These questions are topics that are pretty broad and can usually start an interesting conversation. It gives you the opportunity to listen for things that make someone light up and find out what they are really interested in. And, bonus, you will probably get to answer these questions when the person asks “what about you?” So make sure you have something to say!

5. Be bold. 

Danielle LaPorte says, “Love rewards the brave.” It’s ok to approach someone and say hi. It’s ok to enter into a group of people that are talking and introduce yourself. 

Approach all kinds of people, not just the ones you think are attractive. Not only does this help keep the pressure off but you get to practice having conversations and playing the role of investigator. You also never know who knows someone that they could introduce to you! It’s ok to be bold, to say hello. In fact, I dare you.

This weekend, I challenge you to have a conversation with one new person each day. Even if it’s in line at the grocery store when you’re picking up hamburger buns. Now, get out there and have some fun!!

Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Are You Betting on "One Day"?

There is something that you want.

Maybe you want to find your romantic life partner. Maybe you’re with that person but want more sex (or more space). Maybe you want to pursue your passion for creating the cutest crocheted kitchen caddies. Whatever it is. 

I see it in you. You want something.

And yet, you’re not going for it. Why not?

  • You’re afraid of being disappointed.

  • You’re afraid it will end up broken-hearted.

  • You’re afraid it won’t be as great as you think, or worse, it will be better than you think. And if that’s the case, why did you wait so long to get it??

  • You’re worried you’ll ge tit and then you’ll lose it.

So many fears. I have heard them all (and had many of them myself). And those fears feel so real, so we push back going after what we want and say we will do it one day. 

One day I will tell that person how much I care. One day I will join that club. One day I will travel. One day I will lose the weight and start dating. One day I will have enough money to pursue the career I really want. One day I will put myself out there and really do the damn thing. 

I have some hard truth for you. There is no such thing as “one day.”

“‘One day’ is the most dangerous bet of your life.” - Matthew Hussey

When we wait for one day to do the things, we never do the things. There is no “one day” on a calendar and there is no way of knowing when that has arrived. In our brain, it feels specific and actionable. 

It allows our fear to win. Because as long as you are saying “one day” you never have to say “today.”  The “one day” bet will almost always lose because it lets you delay the most important part of the process of getting what you want. First comes identifying what you want, then comes taking aligned action to get it. 

If you are saying “one day” you never have to get uncomfortable and take action. 

What if I told you to take one small step towards what you want? Take one step so small that maybe it feels like you’re almost not doing anything at all. 

If you want to meet your long term partner, maybe you start by just saying hello to someone. Anyone! It doesn’t have to be someone you’re attracted to. 

If you want to lose weight, start by just putting your gym clothes on and driving to the gym. You don’t have to even go in. Start by just driving there. 

Whatever you want, identify one tiny step in the direction of getting what you want. Take a step so small that you don’t have resistance to it. When you take one step and keep it really easy, you can let go of the fear that this is going to be really hard. That you’re not going to be able to do it. If you take one small step, those fears are no longer true. 

For most people, one day never comes. Don’t be most people. Be the person that gets what you want. 

Because you deserve it. 

Meet My New She-ro (aka Female Hero)

I just finished co-hosting my first women's empowerment summit this past Sunday. And I am blown away. I feel like I grew so much while planning this, promoting it and then when I was onstage speaking. It was an honor to be in a room full of women interested in growing and connecting. 

Today I want to celebrate some women I met recently. I've learned that everyone you meet is either a mirror or a teacher. This couldn't be more true of the women I've met and interacted with recently. 

A person might be in your life to teach you something. Perhaps they are farther down a certain path that you want to learn and grow into. They have a perspective and a set of experiences that is different from yours. When you look at your interactions with someone with the eye that there may be something to learn, you open yourself up to a new level of connection. And deeper compassion.

A person may also be mirroring something back to you. There is an old saying that goes "If you spot it you got it." And this works for positive and negative traits that you notice about someone else. When you compliment someone, take a moment to reflect that you notice that great quality because you also have that in yourself. And when someone stirs up your anger, sadness, and frustration take a moment to reflect on what your part in the interaction is. Is it showing you parts of yourself that perhaps you are trying to hide because of shame? Or is it showing you a boundary that's been crossed? 

When you experience the more negative emotions it's an opportunity to reflect on what you don't want in your life. 

And now, on to an inspiring woman that I recently met. 

I heard Heidi Klotzman speak at Crust and Cocktails hosted by Amanda Mack and Chef Cat. The purpose of the event? To encourage people to show up representing their business authentically without the pressure to look and act a certain way.

Heidi spoke with passion, intelligence, humility and honesty. If you don’t know her, she runs HeidnSeek Entertainment, and has her hands in all kinds of events and music around Baltimore.

I furiously typed notes on my phone and here are the highlights of what I grabbed:
 

  • Choose inclusivity. Always.

  • Use the popularity of larger acts to get the smaller and “riskier” people gigs.

  • People are now inundated with invitations and messages, don’t be afraid to invite and offer over and over again.

  • “Cute girl privilege” is real. Use it to your advantage even when people try to use it to hold you down. (a full blog post on this is coming soon!)

  • Be around people making things happen, the ones that see what’s missing and then go make it.

  • Exclusivity also works to create hype, but only if your vibe is to include all kinds of people. Your filter is: Are they a good person? Are they good to others? How are they helping?

  • Create the weirdest melting pot of cool people.


Heidi brings people together. She’s been doing it her whole life. She has a real gift for seeing people and shining her light brightly and helping others to see in the dark.

I have a new shero.

I'm not sure if Heidi is a mirror or a teacher for me, perhaps she's both! 

What person in your life has inspired you recently? What about that person inspires you? I encourage you to hit reply and tell me. And THEN reflect on how that is showing up in you.

Because if I know anything about my readers, I know that you are AWESOME. And you are inspiring, too. :) <3

There is something to learn from everyone we meet. 

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Talking about body image, mental energy and bus friends

I remember sitting on the school bus in elementary school next to my bus friend. (You know bus friends, right? The people you talk to because you ride the same school bus, but you’re not really friends anywhere else in life.)

I’m sitting next to my bus friend, and I look at her legs. They were so tiny and thin. I looked at mine and my thighs spread over the seat. They looked so wide, and I felt embarrassed because I don’t remember them being that wide before. I lifted them away from the seat to confirm that they aren’t really that big. That was when I started to feel shame about my big thighs, and I even practiced keeping my thighs lifted off the seats of the bus because I didn’t want them to look so wide.
Looking back, I think, “What a silly waste of time and effort on my part. When I was a kid, my thighs were never a problem.” Hindsight is 20/20, right?  

All that time you spend focusing on the way you look is time and mental energy that you aren’t spending on other things. Instead of thinking about how your thighs look, you could be

  • Planning an idea to make more money for you or your company.

  • Thinking about how to serve your clients better.

  • Thinking about how to get involved in a political problem that bothers you.

  • Writing a thank you letter to a friend or someone that impacted your life.

  • Calling your mom.


My body has changed a lot in the last few years, and I notice that I sometimes still have these consuming thoughts that something is too big, or doesn't look the way I want it to.

And the truth is that it doesn’t even really matter. What matters is what I do in the moment, right now. Being present to what is in front of me.

Letting go of the rest of the chatter is what I mean when I talk about being present in the moment.

When I am in that moment, I can access love for myself. I can notice what I am able to do right now. I can be grateful for the effort that I am making, and for the choice to show up. In the moment, I realize I didn’t show up because I want my thighs to look a certain way. I’m there because I like feeling good. I feel good when I move my body in a way that feels good (isn’t it funny how that works?). My body sometimes likes to be challenged. And what my body craves is so different from what your body craves. There isn’t a prescription, just your individual preference.

And then in the rest of my life, I can practice the same awareness. Right now, in this moment, does it matter what size my thighs are? Or is there something else tugging at my heart?

Your body isn’t the problem.

It’s your relationship and your thoughts about your body that is the problem.


And those thoughts are getting in the way of you being in the world in the way that you want to. You are missing your opportunities to share your gifts. You’re being distracted.


Come back to the present moment. What is good right now? What does this moment require of you? What is your heart whispering to you?

And that’s what it means to be present.

How much could you be doing if you weren’t thinking about what you hate about your body? Are you ready to let that go and step into something bigger for yourself?

I want to hear from you and support you on your journey to loving and accepting your body. I'm here cheering you on. 

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Read This When You're Feeling Broken

Does it feel like you've been beaten down by the world? Like you've taken on way too much, and you're exhausted and can't take any more?

Maybe things never seem to go right, other people have it so much easier, or it would just be easier if you didn’t have to deal with that pain from your past, your depression, your particular family issues, etc.


When we refer to being broken, it seems hopeless. It’s a weighty word, with a heaviness that seems like something must be fixed. And fixing means there is a right way and a wrong way to do it, it involves focused effort and hard work. Broken implies you’re a victim to your circumstances, that you’re broken because of all the reason and you can’t fix it.

I do not believe human beings are ever broken. Even those of us that suffer or had incredibly traumatic experiences. Not one of us is broken.

I was listening to an interview with Colleen Saidman Yee, yogi, former model and author of Yoga for Life. She first heard the phrase “you are enough” in a song while writing her book. At once, she felt seen and someone finally understood her struggle.

Colleen Saidman Yee has touched thousands of lives through teaching yoga. And yet, in her younger years she struggled with drug addictions and worthiness issues when she was in the modeling agency. How could someone that overcame those challenges and built an incredible new life ever feel like she’s not enough?

And yet, it’s the human condition to feel like we’re not enough. We compare ourselves to others and think we couldn’t possibly stack up.

We look at our past failures and we think that they have created a brokenness inside of us, and therefore we are no longer worthy of love, grace, and forgiveness. It may seem like the places where we are broken will never be healed, that we will never be whole again.

This is incorrect. No one is broken. You are always whole.

However we all carry wounds.

A wound is a place where you’ve been hurt and have not healed. Wounds are normal, it’s a reaction. Pain is normal. And so is healing. Healing happens naturally, over time, with care and sometimes focused help. Healing happens if we allow it.


Healing your wounds takes a bit of self-compassion, and some time. And sometimes we can do the work solo and sometimes we need a guide to help process through it. Here’s a guide to help you know which is which.

If you want to evolve to the next level, you're ready for a coach.


Transformation takes time, work, and dedication. And it helps to have someone that can push your comfort zone so you can level up.


If you want to talk to see if this is the best next step for you, let's talk.

I am currently looking to work with 5 new people to help transform into their ideal life, and maybe you're one of them. Your free Discovery Call is a chance to see if that's a fit for you. Claim yours here.

You are never broken. You might be wounded, and that’s ok. Wounds can heal. Wounds point to your opportunities for growth and leveling up to your next transformation to be your best you.

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Confession: I'm a Recovering People Pleaser

Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm a recovering people pleaser.


I don’t want to tell this story, it’s so embarrassing to me that this is how I used to think.


I was dating this guy that I really liked. We had actually dated previously and decided to give things another go. But I was hesitant. He had burned me before. I thought it might be best to keep my options open and also keep dating other people. I talked to him about this, and he agreed.


In my heart of hearts, I wanted this guy to be my only option. But I was scared of being hurt. I was also scared that I was making a big mistake by letting him back into my life, and that everyone would think I was being stupid.

I only told a select few people we were back together. I kept things very quiet. The secrecy was fun, but it was also a bit toxic.

As time went on, I realized he was the only person I was interested in dating. He was still dating other women and figuring things out. I decided to play it cool and patiently wait them out. Surely he would come around and see how awesome I am. Especially because I was being the “cool girl” and keeping this open thing going.

My communication was full of mixed messages. I never asked for what I wanted, which was a real relationship. When we were apart, I sulked and cried. Then when we were together I pulled a 180 to be really fun, sexy and happy. I thought I was being the perfect potential girlfriend.

Eventually he decided to pursue a relationship with one of the other women.

My behavior to try to keep him happy didn’t work, and it made me miserable. And since I hid the relationship from many of my friends out of fear of what they’d think, I didn’t have a big network to turn to when I was heartbroken.


I was isolated and quite depressed, and feeling completely foolish.

This is people pleasing at its worst.

People pleasing is learned behavior. We think by making someone else happy, we will prove our value, worth, and worthiness of love.  It’s what happens when we value other people’s opinions more than we value our own. By doing this repeatedly, you place our power outside of yourself, lose trust in yourself and your ability to keep promises with yourself. It weakens your personal strength.

For me personally it has led to discontent, anger, resentment, frustration, hopelessness, and sadness.

People pleasing is a toxic behavior. I see it most with my clients in how they show up with their romantic partner, family members and friends, and at work.

When the stakes are high - meaning, we really care about the result - it is really easy to slip into people pleasing because we think we will get the desired result. It can also be really hard to stop, because it involves not only speaking up and saying the hard thing but also changing expectations.

It might be scary to go through all that. But you are stronger than that.

  • Your voice and opinion matter. Your preferences are important.


  • Your needs matter as much as anyone else’s.


  • You have the right to your feelings, thoughts, opinions, needs and desires.


  • You have the right to express and enforce your boundaries.


  • You are important. You matter.


Communicating can feel scary, but it is a necessary part of life and relationships. Do yourself a favor, and speak your mind. 


Now it’s your turn. Where in your life are you exhibiting people-pleasing behavior? Do you have an embarrassing story to tell about making choices to try to make someone else happy? Share in the comments below!

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

Where is Fear Holding You Back?

I did not learn how to ride a bike as a kid. I grew up on a street with no sidewalks off of a very busy road. My neighborhood wasn’t safe for learning and most of my friends were in the same situation (but somehow they all learned to ride bikes?!). I guess I never made it that important.

I remember in 5th grade when it was bike day and everyone went outside to just ride around behind the school. Everyone took off and there I was left alone on the baseball diamond with a bike with training wheels. It was mortifying.

I never learned and always avoided it. Because learning to ride a bike as an adult is so scary. You are so aware of how far away the ground is and how fast you're moving. It feels completely out of control. And control-freak me does not like that feeling! Falling seems too scary. 

On my 31st birthday, a few friends decided I needed to learn and they had the best hill to teach me. I spent an entire afternoon terrified of falling. And you know what became even scarier than the feeling of falling? The fear of being left behind and holding everyone back from their fun. I seem like a hopeless case when it comes to bike riding! 

I hope you're laughing at my ridiculousness. Because it is. To someone that knows how to ride a bike, this level of freaking out seems just plain silly, doesn't it? Maybe you have compassion for me, but it's just riding a bike, right? It doesn't get much easier. 

And yet, I'm still scared. 

Fear is tricky. It’s not always about our safety and survival. Even though it feels that way.

Yes, we often hold back our true greatness because we are afraid of failing. We don’t know how to handle a failure or we think it will make us a loser. So we don’t take risks. We don’t test our strength. And so we never know.

We are equally afraid of our true greatness. If we show up and shine brightly, will we be outcast? We will lose love from our friends and families?

And if we share our greatness, are we going to have to be that great all the time?! Is that sustainable? Will we just be a giant let down?

Fear shows up in the ways you are playing small. The ways you are playing it safe. The ways that feel comfortable, and maybe a bit boring.

You are not here to be boring and safe. You are born with greatness already inside (it’s not anything that you need to develop, you naturally have it!) Your gifts are meant to be shared with the world. And the world may be the circle of your friends and family. It might literally be the whole world.

But you are not meant to let fear hold back your soul’s growth.

I’m getting more clarity about my soul’s purpose. And from what I can see, I am here to learn how to love myself completely. And in doing so, I hope to give you permission to do the same.

Where are you holding back? Where do you feel an inkling that maybe you have a bit more to give? It is time to listen. Take the risk and grow into who you are.

I believe in your greatness. And I believe in you.

xoxo

Sarah

PS. Calling all those who are ready to stop playing small! Do you want more out of life? More love, more laughter, more soul-level satisfaction? I am currently taking private clients for my three month coaching program! In three months I help transform your habits and thoughts so that you can tap into the rocket fuel you need to move towards the life of your dreams. If your soul is tugging at your heart and telling you there is more out there, let’s talk. Hit reply and ask me your questions or schedule a free call with me. Book your call right here.

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.

8 Tips for Confidence Better Than "Fake It Till You Make It"

I remember when I was going on a lot of first dates. (And I mean, A LOT) I heard the advice “fake it till you make it,” and I thought it made sense. I wasn't feeling confident, so I just faked it. 


I tried really hard to impress my date with my funniest stories and I hid the stuff that I thought was too messy. And I was rarely attracted to the other person, or I didn't get asked out on a second date. Because they never got to know the real me. 


Faking it means you try to look like everyone else. You try to fit in. And fitting in doesn't get results. Because if your date wanted everyone else they would be out with THEM.


They are out with YOU. Because they are curious about YOU. If you’re like everyone else, you’re going to get lumped in with everyone else and you will get passed over.


We are dating to find the diamond in the rough. The one person that feels like a fit for us. But that works both ways. You are the diamond in the rough for someone else, but they can't find you if you are acting like the rest of the rough. BE THE DIAMOND. 

 

I get it, sometimes it is hard to stand out. It's hard to shine bright like a diamond if you're not feeling great or confident in who you are. That lack of confidence is what leads us to fake it in the first place. 


You are already enough to be the secret sauce to attract the right person to you. You don't have to do anything different than show up in a way that feels like you're being yourself. That confidence is a magic magnet for the right people to come to you.

Instead of faking it, here is how to stand in your power, get in touch with who you really are and be confident enough to be YOU:

 

  • If you're feeling bad about yourself: Brain dump everything (especially the negative thoughts and feelings) in your brain onto a piece of paper. Burn the paper and release it.

  • If you want to feel loved: Look yourself in the mirror and say “I love and accept you.”

  • If you need an energy boost: Move your body in whatever way feels good- dance, walk, run, punch. Feel gratitude that you’re moving and breathing.

  • If you need a self-esteem boost: Ask a good friend or loved one what they like about you and what makes you unique. Do you agree? If so, repeat this to yourself. “I am someone who…” and fill in the blank with what your friend said.

  • If you're asking "How do I figure out who I am?": Notice what activities, location, and people bring out your best. When do you feel ALIVE? Do that more.

  • If you want to feel really good about yourself: What are 5 things you like about yourself? What is 1 thing you did recently that you are proud of or want to celebrate? Write them down and read them out loud!

  • If you want to have a good day: Listen to some pumping up music. Like some classic Madonna. Or maybe watch Beyonce’s Homecoming documentary on Netflix. What’s your favorite song to lift your mood?

  • If you want to tap into your inner powerPower pose. The science behind might be iffy, but it actually does help boost my mood.

You're pretty great. 

Do you have someone that needs a confidence boost? Please share this post and share the love. Maybe include a note with a few things that you really like about them. 

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Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.