I felt something really interesting start to happen as I watched the royal wedding, it started as a twitch inside. I saw how pretty Megan Markle looked, I saw the way her husband looked at her and interacted, and I saw how special that day was for them and all the good energy surrounding them. Not to mention the opulence of Windsor Castle, all those flowers and beautiful things, and a chorus of people singing and musicians playing. There was this nagging voice that kept telling me that is something I don’t have and could never have. It would always be something I watched on a screen.
I was feeling jealous.
There was this inner voice that was comparing myself to Megan Markle and the voice kept telling me I would never be enough. Not pretty enough. Not graceful enough. Not rich enough. Not loved enough.
And this voice was nasty. It was attacking me for all the things I wasn’t and would never be. All the things I could never have and didn’t deserve. And it kept telling me to make my dreams smaller so that I could actually get them someday (maybe).
Can anyone relate?
When jealousy hits there are a few ways we can process it. The way that is most familiar is to let it come over us and take over. Jealousy has been the cause for a lot of bad behavior, it’s even been used to justify murder. When this happens, you might lash out in anger against others. And pretty soon it feels like the whole day is tanking, going down the tubes.
But there is another way.
Jealousy happens because it appears that someone else has something that you don’t. If they have it, then it must be all gone and you can’t have it. This type of thinking is thinking that things are limited resources. It is thinking from a place of lack.
What if that wasn’t true at all? What if your feelings of jealousy was only a signal? And what if there was plenty of everything you wanted and needed- enough for you and everyone else?
When I feel jealous, I use it as a way to check in with myself to find what is really behind that feeling. I use jealousy as a way to check in with my desires. What is the dream that I am longing for that I see in someone else?
When I watched the wedding, I felt such a surge of jealousy when I saw how they looked at each other. They seemed to look at each other with so much love, tenderness and appreciation. And instead of letting the angry voice get the better of me, I recognized that I want those warm feelings of connection and love with a romantic partner.
After I identify the feeling I am longing for, I search for where those feelings already exist in my life. I might not be marrying a prince, but I already have feelings of love, connection and tenderness.
I look at my friendships and family to find examples of those feelings I want. And I look for examples where I give it to myself, and where can I do that more often? What makes me feel loved, connected and tender? The first thing that comes to mind is my morning ritual of wrapping myself in a fuzzy towel right after I shower.
When I look for examples of the feelings I am longing for, I am normally shocked at how much it shows up in my life without my noticing. Now that I notice it more often, the goal of a romantic partner doesn’t feel as unattainable or desperate because they are being created in other places. It is my job to notice and create it for myself.
Gratitude will also multiply the feelings If you want more love, be grateful for the love you have. You will notice it more and more and you will see more coming your way.
Little things snowball to bigger things, even if it doesn't always come in the way I expect it. I can celebrate the spirit of the royal wedding and find love and connection in my own way without expecting a prince to come knocking at my door. The practice of noticing where it is already showing up in your life prepares you to notice it when it appears in an unlikely way.
We have the power to choose our response. We can’t control what happens to us, but we choose how we want to respond. The royal wedding happened. I could be jealous and angry at Megan Markle for having such a fabulous life. Or I can notice that what I’m longing for is connection, love and tenderness and I can look for ways that I can cultivate and appreciate that in my life.
What would you choose? Comment below and let me know your number one takeaway about jealousy. Look back at a time when you are jealous and what do you think the lesson is?