In my late twenties I attended seven weddings in a six month period. I loved celebrating my friends as they chose their happily ever after partners. And yet, I couldn’t help this gnawing feeling I was having. As happy as I was, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “When will it be my turn?”
I really started to judge myself. “Shouldn’t I have this figured out by now?! Shouldn’t I have someone that I want to spend my life with? Look at all these other people that figured it all out.
What is wrong with me that I DON’T have a life partner?”
I was so deep in the weeds of comparing myself to others that I couldn’t see what was right in front of my face. I spent so much time trying to get my life to look like everyone else’s that I lost the ability to create a life that felt really good to me.
Last week I talked about feeling like a failure. I shared how to flip this thought so you can start feeling good. The part that I left out is WHY we think we are a failure. And it’s because you’re comparing yourself to those people that you deemed as “awesome” and “he/she has it all together and if I want to have it all together my life should look like that.”
These expectations and comparisons are strangling your life force.
You are missing your life.
When you compare yourself to someone else you are stepping outside of yourself and fighting reality. You are telling yourself how your life should be instead of looking at how it is. You are placing expectations on yourself, and that turns into stress.
What are expectations, anyway? An expectation is nothing more than a random guess, even if it is somewhat based on past experiences. You are making a best guess based on your past or from observing others and you are guessing at what is possible for yourself. But the past is over. All you have right now, and you have exactly the result you are supposed to have.
Now consider this for a change: You are exactly in the right place. Even if you are uncomfortable or unhappy with where you are.
You know why? Because sometimes in life we experience things that we don’t like so that we have contrast and can have a better understanding of what we want. If you don’t like something, it’s your job to find a way to feel good. You either change your perspective about what you’re seeing or you change your circumstances.
There are things we can control. Like we can control how often we go out and meet new people. We can’t control when we will meet that special someone. It is our job to love exactly where we are and find joy in the process of getting where we want to go. Labelling where you are right now in this present moment as a failure is resisting reality. Your reality cannot be anything other than it is.
The sooner you accept that you are single because you are supposed to be single right now in this moment, the sooner you step into the power to change into what you want. If you look at this moment right now, and it does not bring you full satisfaction you can ask yourself “What would make me feel good right now? What can I do to feel satisfied right now?” And then you take action in alignment with that.
(Did you notice that the question isn’t “How can I not be single right now?” As a coach, part of my job is to help you find the most useful questions to ask yourself so you can get RESULTS) Your job is to feel good. And when you feel good, the conditions of your life, such as your single status, start to shift and change.
What would inspire you to feel good RIGHT NOW??? Hit reply and tell me. And then go do it and report back.
If you need some inspiration, here are some of my favorite things to feel good right now:
Take a few deep breaths
Go for a walk
Pet a cat or dog
Smile at someone
Call a friend for a catch up
Enjoy a favorite treat, like chocolate milk!
What will you do to feel good right now?
Sending you love and good feelings,