I had a totally different post planned for today, but this one was tugging at my heart and I had to share it.
I recently attended a networking event hosted by a coach. I walked in the door and promptly went into a downward shame spiral.
This coach had been in business for less than a year, and had a full roster of clients. She had an adorable house in a neighborhood that I loved. She had a nice outfit and a beautiful engagement ring.
I felt like such a loser.
I was eying her up and what she was saying and comparing it to my life. I had thoughts like "She's so successful, why can't I be like that?" "She really has it all figured out, I want to be like her." "I suck because I haven't had success like her."
Does this sound familiar? Have you done this with someone that has a job you envy? Or a relationship that you wish you had? Or a family with kids and a house?
Comparison and judging are completely natural.
Don't feel bad for looking at someone else and saying "I want what they have."
The part of the equation that we need to stop is when we start making it mean that you're not good enough, that you don't deserve what he/she has, that you should already have it. That's the toxic part.
Those thoughts make you feel awful. I call it a Compare and Despair hangover. You've been comparing and beating yourself up, and now you feel gross.
It's not about shaming yourself for looking different or for someone being ahead of you on the path. It's not a game where someone wins and loses because they get to a destination first.
Your timing is perfect for you. Seeing someone ahead of you and wishing you were there is giving you a clue about what you want.
If you were walking down the street you wouldn't look at someone ahead of you and say you should be that far. No, you haven't walked that far yet. You also don't know where they're coming from, and maybe they had a different starting point.
Your path is simply that- Yours.
Now, let's get to work.
Who has a life that you are eying up? What about their life do you want? Write it down. For example: "Angela has a great house with a cute well-behaved dog and a loving husband. She has a business that brings in lots of money and has a full calendar of appointments."
Now, take out the name of that other person and make it about you. Write it exactly the same but about yourself. "I have a great house with a cute well-behaved dog and a loving husband..." Write it as if it has already happened, and then read it back to yourself. How does that feel? Imagine that life. Bam. You just tapped into your desires.
Doesn't it feel good to have a better idea about what you want?
Share your desires with someone you value. Tell them what you really want. Speaking your desires is incredibly powerful and motivating. If you'd like to share them with me, I would be honored to hear them. Hit reply and send your goals my way. I will be cheering you on!