Can I really say that?
There is a part of me that wants only to show the good stuff. That I won’t be loved or accepted if I make mistakes. And so, I hide. I show the happy photos on Instagram, I don’t talk about what my struggles are.
It’s too scary.
It’s too scary to say out loud that I worry that this whole coaching thing won’t work. Or that I thought I had my finances all figured out, but I’m starting all over with that again and maybe I’m an idiot for having debt. And I’m terrified to talk about what it’s really like to be in my head while I’m trying to figure out how to be the perfect girlfriend.
It’s really exhausting. It’s a lot of time spinning my wheels and not going anywhere. And instead of taking action, I spend my time worrying that I’ll never meet my goals or, even worse, that I’m not even worthy of the things I want.
It is really scary to put myself out there in a way that is honest and authentic. It makes me want to cry, that’s how afraid I am. We as humans are really good at adapting ways to avoid feeling pain. And one of those ways is that we change who we are to fit in.
I’m here to tell you that is a myth. (And even though I know it is a myth, I still believe it sometimes because #iamhuman.)
Perfectionism is a thief. Look at all those things that I spend my time worrying about. Love, acceptance, money, purpose, fulfillment. Perfectionism says that I don’t have these things because I’m not perfect enough yet. Perfectionism says, “You’re not perfect enough so you don’t have it. So be perfect and then you can have it.” The line that defines what perfect is, however, is a floating line that is always moving. It will always feel like I’m not there yet. And that is really bad logic.
The root of perfectionism is trying to control how you are seen by other people. Which is also impossible. One person may love you and another may hate you. If you are living for other people, which one is right? And how can you possibly control what other people think? (believe me, I have tried for many years to be exactly what I thought my romantic interest wanted me to be. It’s a waste of precious time. Unless you are trying to become a contortionist.)
So, if I show up and I’m real, with scars and mistakes and messes, what happens? I feel lighter because I’m not carrying the burden of playing a smoke and mirrors game. I can think more clearly because I’m not trying to think about what other people think of me and how I appear. I’m free. I’m free to focus on what is actually in my life and what I can control.
It reminds me of the quote from The Velveteen Rabbit: “…Because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
And that resonates with me because when we let our real selves be seen by others we are loved. And the ones that don’t matter really don’t matter anymore because we are so filled with love for the ones that do matter.
And at the end of the day What other people think about me is none of my business. My business is what I think about me.And that’s all that matters.
Perfectionism drops away when we introduce compassion. Compassion looks like telling yourself that you’re doing the best you can. That you ARE good enough. That you accept and like your life as it is. It’s real.
I’m done with living for other people. I’m here to be real even though it’s scary. I’m still going to post happy pictures online. But somedays I might ask for some help and support when things feel hard. I might share that something didn’t work out, that I failed, that I am struggling. And this is all ok. What matters the most is that I’m bringing my own compassion and taking care of myself and letting myself be completely seen.
Your turn. What is your big takeaway today? What really resonated with you that you want to keep thinking for the rest of the week? Go to the comments and tell me or hope into Instagram or Facebook and share in the comments! And then tag a friend or forward this post if you think they could use some F*ck Perfectionism inspiration.
Sending you lots of love.
Did you find this blog post helpful? Do you want to increase the love in your life? It all starts with yourself, which is why I created a simple self love meditation. Claim yours here and get more love immediately.