It's Time to Bust Out of That Cocoon, Butterfly

I've been writing about the process of change lately, and I am so glad that it is helping some of you. I love hearing from my readers what was useful or insightful. Keep it coming.

And a huge thank you goes to those of you that are sharing this with your friends. What a beautiful way to open up to a deeper a conversation.

Today I am talking about Phase Three of the change cycle. If you missed Phase One or Phase Two you can read it on my blog here.  

In Phase Three, the butterfly is struggling to break out of the cocoon. And let me tell you, it ain't easy. Did you know that if you try to help a butterfly out of its cocoon it will die? (I heard it’s the same with baby chicks breaking out of their shell.) The struggle may be hard, but it's absolutely necessary because that is how we get stronger to live the life that we have been preparing for as we went through Phases One and Two. In order to get to the next level in life, you are going to need new strength.  

Martha Beck, the amazing coach who taught me this cycle, assigned a motto to Phase Three that goes "This is harder than I thought it would be, and that's ok." That has become a bit of mantra for me, because it has certainly been harder than I thought, and I have to remind myself that it's ok for it to be hard.

I thought that the rough trip I had in Phase One, where I was crying all the time, was the hard part. I thought that was the big test. And I thought that after all that plus the dreaming, I could just put my head down and do my work. I thought that if I worked hard enough, then the benefits would start coming my way.

Phase Three has been personally challenging. It's where I am currently. literally building my life from the ground up. I am deciding where I want to live, how I want to live, how I want to make money, what people I want in my life, and more.

These are really big questions, and I don’t know why I thought it would all be so easy but I did. I thought that if I just did the work, and took the steps that I thought made sense, that the wonderful life I was dreaming of would just unfold in front of me like a beautiful gift. (Check in: Am I the only one that thinks it’s supposed to just be easy after a certain amount of work?) 

Spoiler alert. Nothing unfolded. Not yet, at least. It's been extremely hard to face so many choices. And to a certain degree, I am aware how much my privilege is showing because I do have certain opportunities available and I expected it to be easy on a certain level. I’m still working really hard to learn how to do my business and make an impact. I once heard that to get a rocket ship into orbit, it burns a majority of its fuel in the takeoff and then it can coast. I feel like I'm burning a lot of fuel, and just hoping I get into orbit so I can coast. 

In the past, this is when I quit. I thought it was too hard, and that the process wasn't working. I judged myself and the process. If you are in the middle of Phase Three and it feels hard and too long, I ask you to look at it again. I’m not going to tell you to quit or to stick with it, because you are the only person that can do that. What I do know is that I'm not giving up, despite the challenges. I'm going forward. I know now that I gave up too soon in the past, I just need to keep putting in the work, fighting the battles, and eventually I will get to Phase Four. If I quit now, I would go back into Phase One, and this is what I have done for most of my adult life. I deprived myself of fighting the rest of the hard battles to get all my strength. Plus, Phase Four is yet to come! I know now that Phase Four will eventually come, if I am willing to keep working and keep moving forward.

Don't let others dictate your process. Don't judge yourself for being in a certain phase, or for it taking longer than you thought. The struggle is real, because the struggle is what gives you your strength to keep going. You're going to need that strength later on. 

And now it’s your turn. Can you remember a time in your life where you felt like you were getting tested and sent into battle time and time again? How did you respond? Would you do anything differently knowing that it is just a part of the process? Reply to this email, I would love to hear your thoughts.

I hope you will share this with someone that you think needs to hear some encouragement or reassurance that they are exactly where they need to be. 

As always, I love hearing your thoughts and comments. Keep going, Butterfly. 

With love,