Lately I’ve been talking about my inner bitch (also called the “inner critic”). My inner bitch has this ability to make me feel about 2 inches high. But you know when my Inner Bitch is really useful? When a real life bully is trying to make me feel 2 inches high.
I recently had someone lash out in anger at me. I do not condone bullying behavior, taking out your issues and uncontrolled feelings on other people. Anger can be dealt in ways that don’t involve making someone feel less than human.
Feeling anger is a way for you to know a Boundary has been crossed, and then you get to decide what to do about it. You can lash out at others, or you can punch a pillow or go to a boxing class.
We teach other people how we want to be treated. And I do not think yelling, name calling, and abusive language is how you want to be treated.
In the moment that it happened, I did not respond with name calling or accusations. But I don’t tolerate that behavior from my friends, so I knew that relationship was over.
That does not mean that my heart wasn’t racing the entire time. I also told my coach how I was honestly feeling about this person. And I caught myself saying, “Oh that’s mean, I don’t feel that way about people.”
And she replied, “Oh yes, you do.”
You know what? I’m not always nice. And in the moment where I felt like a bully was trying to make me feel tiny, my Inner Bitch was trying to protect me. Not through lashing out, but by pulling away and saying “This person is NOT for you.”
It’s ok to not like someone, and for them to not like me. It’s one way of sorting people that don’t need to be in your life. Can you imagine if there wasn’t a method to sort people out of your life? You would have maybe hundreds or thousands of friends. Your Facebook friend list would actually be your friends, and that would be really overwhelming!
Likewise, not everyone is going to like you. Sometimes you have a crush on someone and they’re not a fit. And for whatever reason, they don’t call you for another date or they turn you down for your offer to hang out. And that is all ok.
You’re meant to have high quality and fulfilling relationships in your life, the quantity does not matter.
Look at how you feel when you’re around others. Do they lift you up, or make you feel small? Are you expanding or contracting in their presence? Can you relax and be yourself or do you have to pretend to be someone else?
These are all signs of who belongs in your life. Go for the ones that let you relax into being you. Where you feel safe to expand and be vulnerable. Don’t settle for less.
This works for friendships, work partnerships and dating. Have you had an experience where you felt less than? When someone you were with made you feel like you needed protective armor?? When you tried to force a relationship with someone, but it just didn’t work or you had to change who you are to fit in? Hit reply and tell me your story. You can notice what works and what doesn’t and learn from all of it.
And if you want to learn more about how to sort when it comes to dating and how to be ok with not everyone liking you, I’m going to do a Facebook Live tonight at 7pm to talk about this topic!! Join me live, send me your questions, and let’s go deep on this topic.