How to Prepare to Create Connection

If you haven’t seen it yet, a woman is in her doctor’s office being asked routine questions about any pain she might be experiencing. With each question, the woman downplays her painful experiences, but her inner voice is arguing with her to speak up and tell the truth about how bad it really feels.  In the end, the woman says that it all feels awful.


I was listening to this ad for the hundredth time and an alarm bell went off. This is exactly what happened to me when I was dating all through my twenties and early thirties.


I remember so many of my dates where I was sitting across from a guy, and for whatever reason I lied to him about what I wanted, what I was looking for, or who I am. And every time I lied in order to be more of what I thought he wanted, my inner voice was quietly trying to advocate for what I really wanted. It would whisper “But you’re really looking for a guy that will treat you right and may be interested in marriage someday.” “You are nothing like this.” “He’s not that funny, why are you laughing?”  I twisted myself into a pretzel to try to become exactly what I thought he would want me to be. And then I wondered why I never felt a connection.
What I was missing all along was the truth. And I found it by asking myself what I wanted and who I wanted to be. I was preparing for my dates completely backwards.


In this video, I talk about ways to prepare for a date that have nothing to do with how you look on the outside.


No one teaches a person to ask these questions before dating. We say vague things like “Love yourself before you love someone else” but we never talk about what it takes to actually love yourself. Asking yourself questions like the ones in the video is the first step to knowing yourself better because you are actually being honest.


This is what I’m all about. Be honest, get clarity, then get what you really want. This is exactly the prep work you need to do to establish if there is a connection with the person across the dinner table from you. Because if you’re not honest and clear, there is too much standing in the way to allow for a connection.


What was your biggest takeaway from the video? What is one question you plan to ask yourself before going on a date?