I’m seeing a pattern of a certain problem. And that problem is a scarcity mindset. Scarcity in dating looks like this:
Women are going on dates with guys they don’t really like because they think there are no great guys out there. They go out whatever guys they meet on the apps.
And then there are other people telling me that they stay too long in relationships because they’re afraid there isn’t anything better out there. I’ve even known a few guys that stayed in relationship that was squarely in the Friend Zone because it was better than nothing.
This is NOT the way to get the relationship of your dreams.
You’re not going to get anything if you keep going this route. Nothing but frustration and dissatisfaction. And we all know that is not what you want for your one and precious life, right?
What if it’s not true that…
All the good ones are taken?
Something is better than nothing?
This is as good as it gets?
I think there is so much MORE available to you out there. But it won’t come your way until you let go of what isn't satisfying you.
This is one of those tricky paradoxes in life. We must let go of good enough in order to get AMAZING.
Easier said than done. Have you ever been to physical therapy or a doctor and they tell you to relax? We have the opposite reaction and tense up, right?
We all get really anxious when we’re told to let go. And if you're having that reaction when I say to let go of "good enough" you're not alone.
When we think we have something that we really want, something that’s really important to us, we want to hold on tightly for dear life. Like that’s the only way to keep something in our lives is by holding on.
But if you hold on tightly, you’re likely to pull a Lenny (from Of Mice and Men) and crush the thing you love the most. You didn’t mean to, you just love it so much and always want it.
This is what’s happening with the scarcity mindset. You want something so badly, like a relationship, that you are squeezing out the opportunities.
Make a fist. Can anything get in there right now? Nope.
Now if you just relax your hand a little bit you can start to have some space for something to come into your hand. The more you open, the more space you have.
The things we want in our life – like our perfect partner – wants space. They want to feel free just as much as you do, no one likes to be squeezed and forced.
Relax. It’s coming. Let yourself open, even if it’s hard. Even if you don’t really want to because it’s different from how you’re normally behaving.
Just because it's not here right now doesn't mean it isn't coming. What you want is on its way to you. The process works, but it needs time and space.
Next week, I’m going to talk more about exactly HOW to open. There is a key ingredient to being able to execute this, and I think it needs its own blog post so I can dive deeply into the topic. Stay tuned to next week!
What challenges do you have around relaxing and letting go? Can you think of a time when you held on to something so tightly, you ruined it? Comment below and tell me your story.