When You Feel Like a Failure, Read This
The first blog I ever wrote was called Single Gal Starting Over. In that blog I shared personal stories from my dating adventures. But ultimately, I was dealing with my feelings of being a failure in love.
I felt like the perpetual single girl. Even though I tried to keep a happy face on the outside, I was dealing with feeling like a total failure. Thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me?” “Why is it easier for everyone else?” “Why do I keep picking the wrong guy over and over?” flooded my brain.
I thought the problem was me.
I did this a lot with my married friends. It seemed like they are farther along on the timeline of life. They met their person, they were engaged, they got married, they honeymooned, and then they had kids. Check, check, checkity check to all those items on the pre-determined Life Checklist.
You know the Life Checklist, right? The list of things all people must accomplish in life to be considered a good and worthwhile person? And if they don’t accomplish them efficiently and in the right order then they are a failure at life.
You get stuck in this feeling of failure because you are comparing yourself to others. Looking at others, you see them living a life you wish you were living. And then you start to feel bad that your life doesn’t look like that. Maybe you’re even making up a story that if other people have what you want, you can’t have it because there is a limited amount of good that is available to go around.
We also where we are right now isn’t good enough because that other person is “farther along.” And we also think we should be there, too.
When things don’t go the way we want them to, we call it failure.
Failure is a lack of success. And a lack of success just means you haven’t had the results you want. YET.
Yes, failure may be a lack of success, but it’s only lacking success if you stop going after what you want. That is the only way to guarantee that you won’t have what you want.
What if your most recent “failure” is simply feedback and it’s trying to help you to grow into the person that will have everything you want? Maybe there is something to learn or push you towards growth that will help you evolve to your next level?
Take a moment and think about whatever failure you just faced. If you call it feedback, what is available to you and your growth? What can you learn and take away from it? And what do you need to keep going to pursue your dream?
Failure is only failure when you stop going after your success. Maybe things don’t happen when you want them to happen. Maybe it takes you longer to fall in love with the person of your dreams or have a baby or get your perfect job.
But it’s all forward movement until you stop the momentum. Learn with each step. Let yourself grow and change. Never stop. Because your success is inevitable (no matter how long it takes).
If you need a boost to your self-esteem, why not show yourself some love? I have a free self-love meditation that you can listen to anytime you need a little more love in your life. You are the one person you can always count on, and I want to guide you to be your own best friend. Get your free self love meditation here.