How to Spot a Red Flag from a Mile Away

Warning: If you enjoy being in a sinking ship, don't read this. 

I was listening to a podcast by Danielle LaPorte the other day, and she was talking about paying attention to the signals from our body. She said often these signals are sent in small, quiet ways. She said “Our bodies don’t want to yell.”

It got me thinking about how bad we are at paying attention to these signs. I created a free checklist to see if you’re ready for love, and today I want to give you a guide to spotting red flags.

How often do you ignore and shrug off the warning signs until they get so loud you can’t ignore them? 

Warning signs could be a tight chest or shoulders or a knot in your stomach. Or perhaps it’s an unexplainable sense that something isn’t quite right. 

But we wait and wait until that small knot becomes a crippling stomach ache or an immobilizing back ache. Or until that sense that something isn’t right with the other person evolves into being cheated on, being lied to, or losing a big investment?

What if you could get really good at spotting the warning signs before it gets too late? What if you could spot the red flags and actually heed the warning?

A red flag is a signal that we need to stop, take a step back, assess and address a problem. Many people I know don’t want to do this. They don’t even want to hear the word “problem” because it implies that there will be a conflict.

A problem is not a bad thing. A problem just means information is missing, opinions differ, or change is needed. I want you to see a problem as an opportunity. You get to be a PROBLEM-SOLVER. You can achieve something! And doesn’t it feel so GOOD to achieve?!

Shift your opinion about problems the way you shift your opinion about chores - think of the feel-good effect after your house is clean or your healthy meal is cooked or you worked out. 

A red flag is an opportunity. 

Here are some ways to identify that you are in the presence of a red flag. When you sense these, do not ignore them! Instead, pause and get curious about them. Ask yourself “What’s that all about?” 

It does not have to make logical sense. Sometimes red flag appear at seemingly illogical moments in time. Maybe everything should be lining up, and yet a red flag is present. That’s ok because this is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself, the situation or the other person. 

Signs of a Red Flag:

• You have a funny feeling in your gut
  That upset stomach, that tightness, that lurch you sometimes feel? It’s an opportunity to give yourself a time out and check in with yourself. Do not ignore this and write it off as just “normal.” Our gut really does talk to us all the time.

• You suddenly feel tension in your body
  Any sign of tension (your shoulders, your back, your neck, your jaw, your feet, even your butt) is a sign that you’re uncomfortable with something. It could be that you’ve been sitting too long, or it could be that the person you’re with just said something that isn’t sitting so well with you. 

• You have a mood swing or surge of emotion
  Ever have that surge of anger or sadness and you’re like “Woah, where’d that come from?” Yup, that’s a signal that there’s a problem. 

• You feel insecure or that something is missing but you can’t put your finger on it
  Insecurity is a sign that something’s wrong. Trace back to the last time you felt secure. What changed between then and now? That’s how you find the trigger and then you can solve the problem.

• Your bullshit meter is going off
  We as human beings have sensitive bullshit meters, but we’re often taught to ignore it or shrug it off. Or like we can “handle” the situation. Stop handling the situation or ignoring it. Actually look into what seems like bullshit, because it probably is. Ask questions and trying to figure out what’s the truth. 

• You feel uncomfortable, unsafe or like you are in physical danger
  This could show up as the Fight - Flight - Freeze response. We human beings have a very clear sense of when we are in physical danger, it’s a survival instinct. If you have a sense that you want to fight, flee or completely freeze notice this reaction in your body. 

I’m not going to specify red flags in particular, because they can be very personal for people depending on your own past experiences. But I think it’s very important to recognize the signals that your body sends you when you are in the presence of a red flag and that you feel you have the power to take the opportunity to solve the problem.

Practice trusting what you feel. You are probably right. 
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I want to hear from you. What red flags have you encountered in your dating life? Comment below to tell me how you handled it.