Ever Feel Disposable in Your Own Life?

You are a treasure and deserve to be treated that way

Someone recently shared that she felt disposable because her ex was dating again. 

I am shocked at how often people call themselves disposable because their ex has moved on. 

I remember feeling this way. Feeling torn apart because my ex appeared to have moved on. I would get myself so twisted in knots trying to figure out what that meant about me.

This is so common I wanted to spend some time shedding light on another way to look at this.

This is what I call a thought error. When the programming in your internal computer (aka your brain) goes faulty. You assume other people's actions are a reflection on you. Sound the alarm bells! Major thought error right there.

You know how I know it’s an error? Because it doesn't make sense if you look at it all the way through.

Why would someone else’s behavior mean anything else about you? In your own mind, you assume you are way more important in other people’s minds. 

Most people are not factoring you into the equation when they take action. They usually aren’t doing something to make it mean something about you. They’re doing the thing because they want to. Because they are trying to feel more pleasure in their life and avoid feeling pain. Nothing more complicated than that. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

And let’s look at it from another angle. Let's assume this person did throw you away and they did think you were disposable. 

Ick. I don’t want to be with someone that treats me like trash. Why spend any more time thinking about someone that thinks about me in that way. They are not worth any space in my mind at all. I have no capacity for people who do not hold me in the highest regard.

And the saying is true - one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

We spend so much time and effort on trying to convince the person to see us as a treasure. And as we waste all that energy, there is someone else out there who already sees us as a treasure. But we’re not available for that! We’re focused on convincing the trash guy! 

What if you didn’t have to convince anyone that you’re a treasure? 

What if the people who will treasure you will see you that way regardless. And the people who see you as trash will see you that way no matter what you do. 

It’s time to put your focus on the treasure people, not the trash people.

Detach from your closeness to the situation and re-read your post as if your best friend wrote it. What advice would you give them? Would you want your best friend giving their tender heart to someone that treats it so casually?

You are also allowed to someone and say "I'm not ok with allowing this behavior in my life." You can love someone and let them go. You get to decide who has earned the right to be in your life. Just because you love them does not mean they get an all access pass. You can love them and decide you need more than what they are able to give.

You have control over who is in your life. Start looking at who actually deserves to be there. Spend more time treating yourself like a treasure. Surround yourself with people who treat you like a treasure. Do this more and more and you won't have any room for people who treat you like trash. 

PS. I was recently interviewed on a new podcast that discusses women’s issues, especially our monthly cycles and how it impacts our life. I share the story of my first cycle and all the shame I carried around it. It was so EMPOWERING to talk about this part of my life because I’m working on being more compassionate with myself. This was a big step forward. Download and listen to my story here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/embracing-flow/id1717662971

And if you subscribe you will hear my full episode in a few weeks where we talk about change cycles that we ALL go through in life.