Are You Being Foolish Selfish or Wise Selfish?

A lesson on selfishness from the Dalai Lama

What is your relationship to being called selfish? In my house growing up, this was one of the worst possible insults.

When I first started my journey in personal growth, my self-care routine started really small. Meditating for 5 minutes. Or going for a walk. Now, I luxuriate in my mornings and have a routine of meditating, journaling, reading, and exercise. I wake up early so I don’t have to rush through it.

I prioritize taking care of myself because I’m more patient throughout the day and I’m more available for others.

I always get hesitation from my clients when I tell them I want them to think of themselves more. They’re worried this will make them selfish.

They’re worried because my clients tend to have lots of experience with takers in this world. People who have a mentality to take as much as possible. And my clients are often the over-givers and people-pleasers. When a taker meets and over-giver, one person ends up satisfied. The other ends up exhausted and resentful.

They worry that if they start putting themselves first they will turn into a taker.

The Dalai Lama described it as Foolish Selfish versus Wise Selfish.

Foolish selfish means you focus on yourself at the expense of others. Your self focus does not consider how it affects and impacts other people. You may even be a bully to them to get your way.

Wise selfish is taking care of yourself first so you may be of service to others.

We must be selfish first. We must take care of our own needs. We are responsible for our own self care.

Sometimes we try to explain this as not being selfish. But actually, that’s not true. It is selfish. But I like the Dalai Lama describing it as wise selfish.

And doesn’t that feel much better to call yourself a wise selfish person and not a foolish selfish?

You can’t serve others when your own cup is empty. When you prioritize filling up your cup first, you have more to give.

Be wise selfish today.